“You know, a little makeup, a little paint,
make you are what you ain’t.”
— pop star Toni Braxton, explaining with magnificently melodic succinctitude how she is able to combat the physical aftereffects of her lupus medication while still leading a relatively public life which hinges on her being utterly flawless, on The Joy Behar Show
“On Fox News, they address her as Governor Palin, which is like calling me Dairy Queen employee… like, I was, once. But I quit!”
— comedic mastermind (and ace Sarah Palin impersonator) Tina Fey, discussing the fallout from Decision 2010 on Late Show with David Letterman
“A lot of my songs are storyline-driven, and you don’t really have that with the very top girls. There’s no competing with GaGa, but sometimes it’s a puzzle to figure out what she means or says. And Ke$ha, you know, she’s always talking about beer.”
— pop star Katy Perry, breaking down the competition amongst her so-called peers while previewing her forthcoming sophomore album in Billboard.
“She wrote ‘tax cuts’ on her hand! A Republican so stupid, she has to be reminded of the one thing — tax cuts?! This is like if you saw the Coyote’s paw and it said, ‘Road Runner.’”
— the ever-irreverent Bill Maher, on his latest HBO special …But I’m Not Wrong, discussing former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who, while giving a speech last month, was caught on-camera referring to a brief list of bullet points written on the palm of her hand.
“The too is necessary to you? People! Same very simply to find!”
— more hijinks from the Buzz’s spam filter, this one coming from a site advertising all manner of services, from cheap electronics to a cure for angina. (Don’t know what the hell the above verse means, but it starts to make a freaky kind of sense the longer you stare at it, doesn’t it?)
“I’m Jewish, but I celebrate Christmas, and I’m going to do that ’til the Jewish people can decide on a way to spell Hanukkah.”
— comedienne Rita Rudner, discussing her holiday proclivities on HBO’s “One Night Stand”
