Brandon's Buzz

“Well, you know, human beings don’t change very fast. You have to keep telling these stories over and over again until we get it. We’re a rather thick group.”

— legendary actress Tyne Daly, speaking with MetroSource about the fact that the topics which “Cagney and Lacey” attacked with such vigor back in the ’80s — abortion, racism, sexism in the workplace, etc. — are still very much hot-button subjects in today’s society.

“That’s who I am. I’ve got a King James in one hand and a Crown and coke in the other. I think we all know Jesus didn’t turn the water into Dr. Pepper.”

— country artist John Rich (of Big and Rich fame), explaining the title of his brand new solo record, Son of a Preacher Man. (And, no, don’t get y’all’s knickers in a twist: Rich does not cover Dusty Springfield on this album, although, if he had decided to, it certainly would’ve lended severe credence to Sherry Ann’s long-standing belief that both Big and Rich, umm, play for my team.)

“New rule: Don’t pretend Twinkies are healthy now, just because you can get the 100 calorie size. Here’s the miracle: They’re smaller. And here’s how to make your own at home: Cut an old Twinkie in half. And here’s how to make it healthy: Throw both halves in the toilet and eat a carrot.”

— Bill Maher, peeling back the truth on the world-famous Hostess snack cake, which is now claiming to be a waistline-friendly dessert choice, on his HBO series “Real Time.”

I spent a goodly portion of Saturday fearing that Gavin DeGraw — the most commercially successful, if not the most talented, of the latest wave of twenty-something singer-songwriters taking popular music by storm — had perished in the same South Carolina plane crash that killed four people (two crew members and two civilians) and critically injured artists Travis Barker (formerly of Blink-182) and DJ AM, both of whom had performed a free show with DeGraw the previous night.  The NTSB initially refused to release the names of the two civilians who had died (presumably until they could properly notify the families involved), which was all well and good, except nobody had heard from DeGraw all morning; you start connecting those dots, and you’re on the fast track to Basketcase-ville.  (I even got Sherry Ann all worked up when I sent her a panicked text message inquiring what she had heard on this matter; heroically, she solved the case by going to www.gavindegraw.com, whose front page blared the magnificent headline:  GAVIN WAS NOT ON THE PLANE!)  I was inconsolable, wondering how in the hell I was gonna eulogize DeGraw here on the Buzz — seriously, it would have been like Buddy Holly dying all over again! — and while I’m not quite sure what’s appropriate to say now — “Hey Gav… glad you’re still alive, buddy”? — I’m sincerely happy that, even though four human beings tragically lost their lives, the survivors are well on their way toward a full recovery, and we didn’t have to endure another day the music died.

“In the end we shall have had enough of cynicism and skepticism and humbug and we shall want to live more musically.”

— Vincent van Gogh, in an 1888 letter to his brother Theo

“Lose the refined white sugar, refined white flour, and refined white men.”

— Susan Powter, explaining her new credo to Elle magazine in 2006.